Peace With Fire

Sometimes throwing myself against a wall seems better than even giving a fuck. 🚬

Oct 19
Oct 16

(Source: afvan, via landonfromlondon)

I always used to think that this thing everyone called anxiety was all a lie. People were just weak and can’t deal with life. I used to get angry at people who used it as an excuse.
I have ever really felt it. I had stress yes, but who the hell doesn’t. Then about a half a year ago I started to feel tight in my throat. My brain wouldn’t shut up. My eyes felt like they were darting miles a minute. At night I felt like I wanted to cry but all I could do is take short little breaths that seemed to do nothing at all.
During this time I got a lot into YouTube, and all the different vlogers and videos on the wide world of YouTube. Sometimes it would make my anxiety worst. I thought, damn I could never have so many people like me like that. I mean I didn’t think I was that special. Then I came across a very popular blogger, Zoella, a tiny girl from the U.K. with dried out hair ends and a great smile and laugh that seemed to hide something sometimes. And other let it all out. She reminded me a lot of myself. I guess that’s why she is so popular. She is relatable.
I watched her for about two months thinking nothing at all just passing time. Then I came across her anxiety video. I have to admit I didn’t really watch it. But I remember her talking about her anxiety on her second channel that show more of her everyday life, not as edited. I remember cracking my neck to the side one day and had a thought. I have anxiety too. Everything she was going through I was too. At first I didn’t want to believe it. But I came to realize that it’s real. It’s a eat emotion that I think everyone has weather they want to admit it or not……

To be honest I’m writing this on a bad day for me. I just feeling like crying but I think I held back my tears for so long that they dried up like an old sloppy vagina. Also all I really want to do it look at pictures of hot people in good clothes and press the reblog button. To be truthful I don’t feel like finishing this, right now. But I will still post it. It’s my tumblr and I want to look back and see my moods and hopefully say I came so far, or say I have been through it before. Either way I just want to say thanks to Zoe and myself for finally giving in. There is so many things I want in my life. I just have to learn how to fight for them. Join me; as either a reader, a follower, or just myself looking back. Fight. Your worth it.
Bless all.
Rest your fucking head. You deserve it all.

Oct 16
Anxiety
raddestlooks:

Raddest Looks On The Internet http://www.raddestlooks.net
Oct 14

raddestlooks:

Raddest Looks On The Internet http://www.raddestlooks.net

(Source: sunshineandfeelingfine, via jiiib)

Sometimes I feel so trapped. Like I don’t know how to move to the next step. It really scares me honestly. What if I’m not good enough. What if those people were right. What if all those nasty motherfuckers were telling the truth and I wasn’t worth it.
Then yesterday while at the mall I seen somebody. Now this is just a small moment. But I can’t get it out of my mind. This person has caused me some hurt and embarrassment in my life. Now this happened in a time in my life where I was very weak emotionally. And cared way too much. I guess that is your life in middle school. This person has never done any physical harm but they stand out most when thinking about my depressing side of my past.
Anyways, I seem them yesterday shopping in the same staple mall store as me and I looked out of the corner of my eye and seen them first. Looking the same as they did in middle school. I payed no attention to them because I have learned to let go. Not let the shit in my life define my in my lighted future.
As I was shopping I seen them catching me in the store. Almost stuttering oveR themselves. To be honest I’m not the same as I was and I look good. (Not to brag but I have found myself and my confidence) I caught them not being able to turn away. And to be truthful it made me feel so good.
I was laughing to myself because I knew I was purposely pretending like they didn’t exist in my world and keep doing what I was doing. And even 5 years later they were still worried about what I was doing.
Don’t get me wrong I don’t wish no one on this earth anything harmful or bad for them. But just know that my revenge was looking put together and good was enough for me. I know they were left thinking about what I was doing now.
No i was not broken. No I was no left with an impression. Just pages of my life filled with stupid people doing stupid things.
I really only hope they have learned. I hope they don’t ever make anyone feel bad about themselves ever again. We all grow we all change. And we all forgive and move on. I wish I had the courage to say hello and ask what they were doing with their life now. But I didn’t at that moment. It’s funny cause I truly only wish well for them all. And I hope they do the same. If not to me I hope to at least someone in this world.
Words truly last forever. We all have scenes in our minds that replay over and over and we criticize them to hurt our self worth. But you know what I’m a fighter. Fight with me. Because all you have to do is, do better to be better. Life lighter and lover harder. And be free. Cause bitch , at the end of your life being free is all you will have.
No one can tell you how to life. Just let them talk. While you keep your head in the game. And score, score,score.

Oct 10
blvkdlyfe:

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Oct 1

blvkdlyfe:

blvkdlyfe for fashion daily.

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(Source: goldlinefashion, via blvckr-thvn-blvck)

Oct 1

(Source: monsieurcouture, via leauxnoir)

monsieurcouture:

Winchester School Of Art S/S 2015 Menswear
Sep 27

monsieurcouture:

Winchester School Of Art S/S 2015 Menswear

damplaundry:

James Laborne at Orley S/S 2015 by Chelsea Lauren
Sep 27

damplaundry:

James Laborne at Orley S/S 2015 by Chelsea Lauren

(via gallianho)

monsieurcouture:

John Galliano S/S 2014 Menswear
Sep 27

monsieurcouture:

John Galliano S/S 2014 Menswear

(Source: monsieurcouture, via ferranculliana)